Beauty and the Geek: Makeovers and Love Scenes!
Oooh, makeover week! We love the geek makeovers -- they tend to give the guys so much more confidence, break them out of their rut, show them possibilities they thought were closed to them. Just about every geek shone... except one.
We think the Geeks turned out great. Standouts: Greggie, who got a HUGE confidence boost and now looks a bit like a Fallout Boy groupie. It works for him, but was he wearing those red shades over his regular glasses? Tommy looks completely delectable with his softened-up hair and his new (non-vest) sweaters. Matt has got a bit of a fauxhawk and he looks like he's walking on air. And Joe looks so much better -- there was a face under that scruff!
But Cowboy Joe isn't happy that they took the Cowboy away. We're not surprised -- he had a temper tantrum before the makeover (throwing clothing?), and he mopes through the reveal. I feel like a sell-out, a fraud! This isn't ME!
Joe, if you're reading this (and we suspect you are), here's what we find frustrating:
You don't seem to want to change. This show is about transformation, but you give us the impression that you went on the show expecting people to validate all your choices and tell you that you were absolutely perfect exactly the way you were. That's not how this show works, and if you thought it was, you weren't paying attention. Yes, you're there to teach the Beauties to look outside their narrow worldview, but they're there to teach you the same thing. This is the exact same problem we had with Dave last season -- he seemed to dismiss everything Jasmine could bring to the table. Once he got over that, he won the game.
But back to this season: The challenge this week is for the beauties and geeks to write a perform a prom-based soap-opera scene for a couple cast members from The Young and the Restless. We were actually kind of dreading this, but only one couple is painful to watch: Jason and Kristina can't agree on a script, so they basically improv their way through it, and it tanks.
Everyone else at least has fun with it, but the one notable thing about most of love scenes is there's no actual love. Oh, people have lots of fun with things -- we loved Greggie pushing Randi away because he was gay, and Cara and Chris's list of soap-opera perils was hysterical ("Remember when you were abducted by pirates?" Hee!). But almost all of the beauties (and, we suspect, one geek) engineered it so they wouldn't actually have to kiss their partner.
The one exception? Matt and Leticia. They do a flat-out soap opera scene with a real kiss at the end. Because of that, they win the challenge. And they deserved it -- all the other beauties (and possibly Greg) were acting like they'd get cooties if they so much as touched their partner. They're still thinking they're too good for these geeks, too out of their league, and they wouldn't deign to lock lips with any of them. They need to get over it and see that these geeks are great guys.
Matt and Leticia think they're going to have to send two couples to elimination, but that's not their fate -- instead, they win a night on the town, and can take one couple with them. They pick Randi and Greggie. Everyone else has to stay home and pick one couple from amongst themselves to send to elimination next week. Doh!
After some debate, they decide to determine the losing couple by having a transvestite fashion show. The guys get made up and have to pull off a skimpy outfit as they work the stairway. Tommy is our favorite -- he openly says he's channeling Amber's superbitch, and it's hysterical. Joe, again, fails to rise to the occasion, doing a sort of mockery of the whole thing (although we do give him points for the Sunset Boulevard reference). The beauties decide Tara and Joe lose, which they probably would have done even if Joe had managed to out-shine Divine -- they're just fed up with him. It finally dawns on Joe that Tara is suffering for having him as a partner.
What did you think? Who had the best makeover? Who do you want to get booted, and who do you think will win? Vote in our polls and talk about it in the comments! (That means you, too, Joe!)
Comments
...And yet, you continue to call me out. How much does Tribune pay you to produce this dribble? Becaise they're obviously spending way too much on your thoughts...obviously.
Anyways, after a week of contemplating, I've finally put my thoughts on the makeover on the paper. Please, feel free to consider them as you wish...and, as always, I look forward to your comments on the Battle Episode!!
(Ed. Note: I had been working on this blog for over a week now, trying to find the right words and descriptions to describe why, exactly, I hated my makeover. It took me long enough, but here's my open responce from last week's episode. This week's responce will have a much tighter turn, I promise!)
In the three days from which the makeover episode aired, just about everyone and their mothers all seem to have something to say about the great makeover that occurred on the April 8 episode of "Beauty and the Geek." Honestly! From The CW Source calling me out (seriously, guys…I know you don't work for the CW, but considering that you're on every Tribune website, is that necessary?), to various message boards considering my position, everyone feels like they have something to say about the transformation that I went through in the house. EVERYONE.
Some are good; I do have to give credit to those who understood where I am coming from for that. And there are those that are not so good; those that don't understand where I was coming from, and why I felt the way that I did during the makeover. Its not that I hate change, nor did I NOT see it coming…but it was more along the lines of…the way they approached really blind sighted me.
So, in order to set the records straight (and finally get everyone off my back about it already), I'm about to set the record straight. That's right – beauties, hands on your buzzers, because I'm about to answer the $64,000 question:
"Why Was Cowboy Joe SO Miserable After His Makeover?!?"
Going into the house, my prayer was simple: "Please open my mind, so that I may receive the change that I want to become, and please open my heart so that I may accept what they do to me." I felt like it was a simple, poignant prayer, and summarized what I wanted to do in the house. After all, this was a huge impetus for me to change. Going into this, I felt like I would learn how to be more socially adept, and more well rounded as a person. I felt like I could learn something better than I was; to be more than I was. And I wanted to receive it all. This is an once-in-a-lifetime chance. Seriously – how many people get this opportunity? And seeing as how I was so blessed to receive this gift, I knew that I had to make the most of it, by having an open mind and heart.
In the first episode…I didn't get very far with that. Mostly because I was going in with the mindset to fail – I'll be honest about that. This is why I played up this country-bumpkin-hillbilly character that totally wasn't me…which is why I only picked up two numbers at our club. But that's okay, because I picked up two more numbers than I thought I ever would. Including a REALLY cute bombshell from New Zealand. If you're out there reading this…call me!
The second episode, I got a lot farther with those pre-determined goals that I had made for myself. Even though I was suffering from work-related post-traumatic stress (seriously! What they didn't show on TV was everyone getting me to hit the cadence of the song, while I was panicking that I wouldn't be able to do the cowboy rap on stage. Had it not been for Matt and the conductor dance of awesome, you would have seen more people chanting "CHOKE!" to the stage than in that movie "8 Mile"), I was able to put aside those things that frustrated me, and work towards the greater goal – making my boys look good. And even though I had to build a rundown and time out the show, WE made it happen – the Geek Tank made it happen – and I will forever be in debt to this group of guys for bringing us (and me) together to put on one hell of a show. Seriously – I haven't seen a group of professionals run a show this clean…myself included!
And when Tara picked me to be her partner, I was on top of the world. Even though I had a very poor showing during the football game, Tara found something in me that was worth saving. I didn't know what, and I still don't know what she found that was worth saving to this day (she still won't tell me – I guess I'm supposed to figure it out on my own), but she found something that was worth rescuing. And for that, I will forever be incredibly grateful. Even in the face of adversity, that girl stood behind me even when I was wrong…and she thought I was wrong…and I wouldn't be the same person without her quiet strength behind me.
But something I was NOT prepared for is the makeover situation.
Now, I can hear all of you complaining right now. "Didn't you see the show before!? Didn't you know this was taking place?!" Well, quite frankly, yes – I was well aware that the makeover challenge was pending. And, yes, I knew that I was going to have the makeover coming up, assuming that I had lasted so long. And yes, I knew that the guys usually looked a LOT better than they had coming in – hence, it was called a make-over instead of a make-under (BATG5 Ep. 1).
So, originally, I was very excited about the makeover, and had commented that it was something that I was looking forward to. In my own naiveté, I had figured that they would take what I had done, and incorporate some of that into the makeover look…right?
Boy howdy, I was wrong. I was VERY wrong.
Now, granted, I had never owned a horse, or had the pleasure of cleaning out stables (though I'm certainly not opposed to it). I adopted so much of the musical cowboy deal based on the fact that: 1) My life's dream was to work in Country Radio ever since I was a young boy…I had achieved that dream about a year before I went on the show, at two different stations, and the cowboy in me stuck ever since. 2) I grew up on a small orchard in the middle of Santa Maria, where we grew our own fruits and vegetables, listening to nothing but country music. 3) I loved the cowboy way, and what it meant, and its importance on America. It was something that I wanted to embody, and even did so in my clothing. For those of you keeping score at home…yes, this is how I looked, and this is very much who I am. Which is why I felt so strongly about keeping the look.
Apparently, I was the ONLY one who felt strongly about keeping the look.
The downwards spiral began with my partner's constructive criticism. Granted, I did need the hygiene tips…because European hygiene standards do not fly in the United States; don't ask, just…understand. But everything after that…everything after that was just one downhill flight destined to crash. First off, try being told that EVERYTHING you own doesn't work. EVERYTHING. Including the one solid-color button-down shirt that you know needs to be ironed, and will when you go to wear it, but obviously isn't? Even that was deemed "unacceptable." It didn't help anything that, after the fact, the things that we were allowed to select from looked like picks from the Women's Department from Sears and Roebuck's. I mean, honestly? Did you see some of those things they offered to us? From where I come from in Santa Maria, a man is supposed to look like a man, and a woman is supposed to look like a woman, except when in drag…but I'll get to that later. Here in Santa Maria, we don't believe in any of this stupid "metro" stuff, whatever the heck that is.
So after my sense of style, and everything I thought was "dressy" was robbed from me (even my nice Wrangler shirts), it was off to the salon. Here, I might find some redemption, right? No such luck. I walk in the door, and have a seat…and the first thing they wanted to do was wax me.
Ladies and Gentlemen of The Jury: In Santa Maria, men don't get waxed. Men are supposed to have hair! Men are supposed to have unkempt, scraggly hair! Its what identifies us, in part, as hombres! And, if we're forced to rid ourselves of unsightly hair for a night at the Elks Lodge or some other fanciness, we shave it! We don't wax! That's just not a masculine thing to do.
I fought with the stylists. I begged and pleaded with them. I offered them my firstborn child as a sacrifice in order to NOT get waxed. After about ten minutes of bickering, the producers had to step in – it made more comedic sense to get waxed than anything else.
What ensued was the longest two hours of my life. They waxed me…which, for those of you who have gone through that, is the most unpleasant experience of anyone's life. I wouldn't wish it upon anybody. Furthermore, they straightened my hair…which I wasn't opposed to, and might actually try again. And then…they butchered my hair. They cut it a little TOO short for comfort, and then made the edges jagged. Was it business casual? I suppose. But I wouldn't wear it to any business interview I had.
In that entire time, my opinion wasn't asked once. My thoughts were never considered. While I was hoping for them to polish my western look…they did no such thing. They didn't even consider some of the things that Tara had suggested, which were quite insightful, I must add (I do look very good in Fall colours – thanks big sis!). Rather, once again, the stylists (and producers) had an arbitrary position on how I was SUPPOSED to look after the fact, and they weren't going to accept any of my thoughts in the process. I suppose, in a way, I was a victim of circumstance. Not by much, because I knew what circumstances I'd be succumbed to. But even in those circumstances, you'd think that I'd have SOME say in my own fate…right? RIGHT?
I went back to the house defeated. Completely and totally defeated. They had taken everything that Cowboy Joe was, and presented himself as…and they had broken him down. Much as the mighty locks of Samson were the source of his strength, so was the Silverbelly Stetson of Cowboy Joe. I was a constructive mess going back to the house, playing dress-up in someone else's clothes, and working on someone else's deadline. To make things worse, I was also having trouble with my contacts, which caused for further drama in the situation.
I have never taken to change very well; it's a family trait. My mother, while loving adventure, never took to drastic change all too well. And nobody, BUT NOBODY changes my brother's routines…and those haven't changed since 1997. Its not an excuse, really…but it's a disclaimer: I don't do change very well.
That being said, for me to do the change that I did…where I went a complete one-eighty, from being Cowboy Joe to Generic Joe…it hurt. It wasn't that I was opposed to the makeover, or what they were trying to do…but it was more along the lines of the fact that, in such a short amount of time, going from knowing my identity to looking like a young, fat John Travolta would-be…it wasn't me. I was mortified. And I didn't like the way it looked.
And, moreover, I wasn't about to pretend to for the sake of somebody else. Those emotions were genuinely my own at the time – I was saddened, frustrated…I just didn't know how to react. So I did the only thing I knew how – I broke down. In a saddened state, I broke down. And that vulnerability…anyone of you can call it what you want, but that was real.
Of course, after the fact, I learned that the clothes don't make the man – the man makes the legend. Tara really helped me find that…and when it came to the point where I didn't care anymore, I found my true freedom. That's where I started mixing mine with theirs. That's where I became Cowboy Deluxe.
It helped that I was showering daily at that point.
The crux of my situation was the fact that I wasn't prepared for the makeover, and what it would force me to realize. Quite frankly, it made me understand that "Cowboy" couldn't be contained in a Stetson hat and the Gene Autrey closet. Its much deeper than that. Its much stronger than that. It comes from what fuels one's self, and what makes them want to continue fighting. How bad do you want it? Was I ready to confront that? Hell no! But am I better for it? Absolutely.
There are those critics out there who say that I'm pathetic for not immediately falling all over myself because of the makeover. There are those who argue that I'm a lesser being, for not being infatuated by the fact that I looked different in what I wasn't comfortable in, to play by a set of rules that I didn't agree with. In my own opinion, I tell those people to try what we went through – a rapid change-over in which we had no say in what we were doing, and were controlled and manipulated by a group of arbitrary producers. AND THEN, after all that, I implore you all to put your misery upon display for all of America to see. When that is said and done, I want you all to tell me that putting my own misery on display was the wrong thing to do.
In other words, don't knock it until you try it. Then knock it all the way to the bank.
As a friend told me lately, if this is as worse as it gets, then I've had a pretty good life. And sure, life isn't always beautiful. This was one of those times.
For those of you keeping score with the "Beauty and the Geek Play-At-Home Scorecard," I've kept most elements of my makeover. I've kept my hair cut short, been shaving on a regular basis, showering daily, and even kept the contacts (which I hated when I first got them). But I'm not going to keep those elements every day…I still wear western-cut Wrangler shirts and Justin Boots when I feel the need…but its not my demand. Sure, there's a time and a place for that look…just like there's a time and a place for the girly look I was given on television. Silly Los Angeles people…I don't understand what it is with them and their gender-mixing.
Posted by: Cowboy Joe | April 16, 2008 3:41 AM